A Comically Short Beauty Feature

By Jamie Curry

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 (photo by Alejandro Escamilla)

During high school I went to my first ball. And guess what I found out? I hate school balls a lot. I spent so much money on horrible uncomfortable things because I thought that’s what you had to do. I had the worst high heels that I couldn’t even walk in. I took my shoes off within five minutes.

What even are high heels? Who came up with that disaster of an idea? A human foot is not supposed to bend like that.

My friends all got their dresses ordered real early, and booked their hair and makeup 40 years in advance. I was just getting my cousin to come over and throw some glitter at my face. Then my friend Grace lent me her mother’s 1950s vintage couture gown from Paris, so I wore that.

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(photo by Dominik Martin)

Remember that nobody cares as much about your appearance as you do—they are all too worried about themselves. As you can probably tell by the things I have said on the topic already, and my stunningly glamorous high-fashion style, I am a guru in all things beauty…

Essential Fashion Must-haves:

• Whatever is comfortable
• Whatever is weather appropriate

Essential Makeup Tips:

1. Put it on your hands.
2. Put it on your face.

Essential Skin Care Tips:

Wash your face Cleansing with warm water is pretty much the only skin care thing I do every day. Wait ’til you hear how many times I wash my phone—it’s lazy by comparison.

Occasional burn-your-face-off face mask I recently started using a face mask for the first time. Can I be honest? It burns. Is it supposed to burn the skin that much? I think face masks are actually trying to literally burn your face off so you have a whole new face afterward. Prove me wrong.

Essential Hair Tips:

Straighten it, if you want But obviously you don’t have to. My hair is secretly really frizzy, but nobody would know from my videos (My First Ball: Jamie’s World). They don’t expect my hair to be a nightmare and then I rock up to a photo shoot with a giant shrub growing out of my head.

Put stuff in it, if you want I sometimes pop some potion onto my hair that’s supposed to make it not turn into a frizzball, but it doesn’t actually work. If it works for you, go for it.

Dye it, if you want People always ask me if I dye my hair, and I have to tell you that it is 100-percent natural. I don’t like my chances of coloring my own hair…if my mother’s icing color mix is anything to go by.

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(photo by Fade Qu)

Reprinted from They Let Me Write a Book! by Jamie Curry, with permission from HarperCollins: They Let Me Write a Book!

All photos courtesy of unsplash.com .

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